scatterboy

You’ve managed to elbow your way into my mind, lapping at my thoughts like thirsty traveler.  You’re finding your way into my daily motions.  My fingertips miss your face. My eyelids miss your skin. There was an electric shock when you emerged, but a strange silence and darkness when you slipped away.

I didn’t know it was possible, but I’m awake again.

I didn’t even know I was sleeping.

It was only mistletoe

and peanut butter

but it felt

like heaven.

Beauty in chaos. Order in disorder.

.
eyes open, eyes closed…
the flickering blue light, the sound of distant cars, trucks, motorcycles, a deluge of tropical rain.
the sounds that echo through my magic window as you lay dreaming are less foreign as the days slip by.
eyes closed, eyes open…

you’re still there…
i see your chest rise and fall, an ocean echoing across your coffee skin
heaving dreams, heavy demands, heeding decisions, hope defined.
you turn, cough, sigh, rub your nose like a cat and blink painfully at the stabbing light i cast across your flowered shirt.

eyes open…
a smile blossoms.
i’m watching you again.
you know it.
eyes closed…

hello dreams.

I’ve rediscovered love.  It’s been a while, for sure, but something has happened to me that’s woken love within me. I have spent time consuming the world, gobbling up the present, eating experiences.  My heart is emotionally fattened  and  now there is a golden chrysalis formed around it.  I don’t know what’s going to emerge from it once the time has passed, but I know that it will be different that what went in.

I will never forget that I am a child.  I am still learning how powerfully I can affect the world around me.  I feel responsible for the things I inadvertently knock over as I learn how to function in this clumsy sack of electrically articulated  meat and bones.  I make every attempt to remain accountable  and to express love.  I’m not so great at it all the time, but I really do believe that I am getting better with it.